Cops Say Woman Hid Knives In Her Vagina And In Her Rolls Of Fat - Wait, Really?

NYDAILYNEWS - A Florida woman was busted by cops after she allegedly attempted to hide a knife in her "private area," police said. Gloria Esther Perez, 25, faces a charge of carrying a concealed weapon after her arrest in April. Fort Myers cops discovered the unusual hiding spot after responding to a report of Perez fighting with another woman, a police report said. When approached by an officer, Perez and the other woman, Whitney Noelle Krimmel, 28, were "very cooperative," telling him they were fighting over buying cigarettes, police said. However, the longer police remained, the more "nervous" the women appeared to be, the report said. An officer also noticed that Perez was becoming increasingly fidgety, "putting hands into her pockets and near her private area like she was trying to conceal something." Enlisting the help of a female deputy, Perez was searched and found to be hiding dozens of prescription pills, police said.Perez then "became ill," the police report states, and was taken to a hospital. Once there, it was discovered she was concealing two knives. One was tucked within the folds of her fat while the other was "hidden in her vagina." In addition to the concealed weapons charge, Perez faces several charges relating to the possession of narcotics.

These weapons of mass destruction must have been butter knives. Otherwise, how is it that G-L-O-R-I-A wasn't bleedin' all over the place? Now contrary to what some of you more feisty fans out there believe, I don't have a vagina, but I've seen one or two in my lifetime and am vaguely familiar with that specific piece of anatomy. Not so much of an expert on rolls of fat though, thankfully. But from my limited experience, the "vajayjay canal" would not be the preferred storage vehicle for sharpened stainless steel. I say drop the current charges and book this dipshit for what should be a crime in all 50 states - Misdemeanor Ridonkulous Moronic-ness. That's right, MRM for short should be a crime all across the glorious US of A because it's becoming an epidemic (especially in Florida). The punishment? 30 days of intensive common sense instruction at your nearest elementary school. If you're not smarter than a fifth-grader at the end of class, rinse and repeat. Bang. Done. Pay the fuck attention!