Hey Ladies, Forget The Restraining Order, Get Yourself A Weave

What, are these things made of Kevlar or some shit? Is this what Batman wears under his Batsuit? Should football players wear weaves under their helmets? If this thing was able to stop a bullet, I want all of our troops issued weaves ASAP. Maybe Pat Tillman would be alive today with the help of a weave. And maybe they should be wearing weave suits instead of that stupid camouflage crap. A whole army of Bigfoot-looking soldiers just walkin' into the line of fire, kickin' ass and takin' names. We're talkin' about savin' lives here people. Secret weapon!